I’m recently reminded that a lot of people go through life believing that everyone spits fire occasionally. There’s no getting around it and you can’t change it, so you might as well accept it if you don’t want to live your whole life under a rock all by yourself. And I’m reminded that I used to believe the same.
Then I found some answers. And I learned, a lot of people know how to control their mouths and their moods so they don’t spew on other people. It’s called emotional intelligence and social intelligence. Even more deeply, I learned that when people use words and tone of voice to make you feel bad, like insulted, or intimidated, or scolded, or manipulated, or dominated, that that actually qualifies as verbal abuse. An environment that is verbally and emotionally abusive has not been my way of life in a very long time. As such, I forget that so many people live that reality every single day. Some live it inside their homes and places of work (if you have it in one place, you usually have it in both), while others experience it just walking down the street because they’re part of a marginalized and maybe even targeted social group.
A truly peaceful and respectful environment is not the norm in a lot of places. Indeed, such peace can be not so easy to find. How is it that the world seems to be filled with people who just want to take care of their own interests and will push aside anyone who seems to get in the way? How is it that so many people see the world as a hostile and disrespectful place and are therefore always at the ready with their own hostility and disrespect? Is it possible to get through the week without being barked at or having to listen to someone else being barked at? Are we the ones doing the barking??
We at Paradise Found actually do have answers to these questions. Well, some of them.
A Sanctuary in the Jungle
In order to be able to truly relax and cultivate a space that is conducive to healing and personal development, you need to be able to put your guard down. Only then can you begin to hear yourself think and only then can you begin to understand the path that lies before you. And in order for that to happen, you can’t have people coming at you, keeping you in a state of suspended defensiveness, wary and ready for the unpredicted snarkiness or attack – keeping you walking on egg shells. You need to be able to retreat to a place that facilitates introspection and reflection. For you to be able to heal and cultivate personal development, you need to be in a safe space.
A safe space is exactly what we’re about here at Paradise Found.
A Paradise Found Safe Space
For us, a “safe space” means a place where you can come and be yourself, absent judgment or criticism for your choices. It’s a place where you won’t be randomly yelled at or mistreated, but will be treated with respect, compassion, and kindness. It’s a place where you can let your guard down and just be the beautiful human being that you are, flaws and scars and all. We all have them.
And in that safe space, you can connect more deeply with yourself. This helps cultivate greater self-compassion, self-care, and self-love. And all of this is connected with self-esteem and self-respect.
When people are nice to you, all the time; when they’re kind and compassionate and gentle; when they pay attention to your needs and respect them; you can just relax and be, and let your own human beauty shine in full force.
Paradise Found Approach
We get that a lot of people have a lot of suffering, and that they’re mistreated on the regular by those in their lives. We have compassion for that suffering. And we want to provide a sanctuary where people can be free from mistreatment, and free to be vulnerable and at peace.
I taught university classes for a long time, primarily in small groups. It turns out that I have a knack for cultivating a safe space with a group – because that’s necessary for maximizing the learning that takes place in a class. I do this by leading with a firm but gentle hand, modeling expected communication behavior, and paying attention to all group members to ensure everyone’s needs are met. My classes are always inclusive, and I work hard to address any imbalances within the group so no one feels uncomfortable in any way.
Feel the Love!
Our goal is to hang out in the love space. That space of external peace, free from people griping at you, that also allows internal peace because you don’t have to fight anyone. A space of self-love and self-care. Our vibe is positive, respectful, and kind, where we embody love, and share it with those we’re with. We want everyone to feel the love, share the love, be the love.
In that environment, we can truly flourish into our very best selves.